Turqouise Nation

2005-04-18T14:10:00.000-07:00

Viva Iceland

I am not sure if anyone else is intrigued by this story. After 8 years in Japan, Bobby Fischer has found a home among the geothermal hot springs and cod loving inhabitants of this quaint island nation. There needs to be more places in the world that open their arms to anti-semitic, ex-world champion chess players that have also spent time in radical communes. The Jermey Schapp story airing on ESPN is one that should not be missed. I have to say that I find Bobby fascinating to listen to. It is yet another example of a brilliant human being unable to cope in the world. I don't sweat the guy for his match in Yugoslavia, but his comments immediately following 911 on radio(in the Phillipines) did not help his case any.

I have wrapped up the job in Colorado so I am back in Santa Fe full time. School is starting to get busy and we are gearing up for the tourist season at Mighty Western Furniture. I plan on doing a bit of traveling this summer, so be on the lookout. The weather has been beautiful. The muse has been trying to hike as much as possible. One can stumble upon some interesting things in the desert. I will post photos as soon as I learn how.

I wish that I had more exciting things to talk about. I do have some advice for people that want to go back to school: if you are bringing in a resemblance of a substantial income and are not planning on going into a money making profession(doctor, lawyer, chiropractor), then save your money. Simply build a library of classic books and attempt to strike up conversations at the local coffee shop. There will be a chance to date again when Howard Dean runs in 2008. I do, however, find it ironic that I am nearly making my teacher's salary a month only working 30 hours and doing something that Ross' dad taught me when I was sixteen. I am welcoming the summer with open arms. Hopefully I can survive in this desert.

I will posting more frequently now that I have a battery of papers due in the next month. I will be near the computer more as well as trying to find ways to occupy my time rather than completing the academic tasks on hand.

2005-04-04T18:25:00.000-07:00

FOEVA

I apologize to the nation as a whole for my shortcomings on this here blog. I have actually been super busy with school and work. We are a little slow at Mighty Western Furniture so I have been working in Colorado for the past week. I will continue this job for another week or so and then return to the confines of the heated shop. The whole twelve hour day thing is already getting old. Oh. yeah, and driving back to Santa Fe on Mondays and Thursday for classes sucks as well. The job, however, is pretty cool - I am renovating old army trucks into mobile mudlogging units. Basically, I am putting in new floors and cabinents for geology crews to conduct research while oil crews are drilling.

I did have a little off time a couple of weeks ago. I spent a lovely few days with Hjalmer and Karen in sunny Florida. If anyone out there is looking to enhance his/her self-esteem, a trip to the land of round, tan geriatrics will certainly do the trick. I returned to Santa Fe to humor a phone call from Lars in Salt Lake. I proceeded to buy a plane ticket and enjoy three days of waist deep powder. I will provide more updates later and perhaps include a few rants as well.

2005-02-22T11:57:00.000-08:00

Sinbad!!!

Thank god for TBS. i had the opportunity to watch First Kid this past weekend. I am unable to decided which of Sinbad's theatrical masterpieces is funnier - First Kid of House Guest? I think that Sinbad has created a genre of his own. I would equate said genre to the immortalization of Zubaz. For some reason, Sinbad can sport the active wear and still make it cool. What ever happened to Sinbad? I am sure that his overwhelming fame forced him into seculsion. Perhaps he is a neighbor of Johnny Depp somewhere in the middle of France.

2005-02-08T20:05:00.000-08:00

Now Read This!

I promise that I will soon start downloading photos in addition to my traditional banter. In the meantime, however, you are all stuck reading my banter. Todd's recent entry concerning, among other things, the reading of the classics has inspired me to compile a list of great books. I spent the day crafting furniture and thinking of my list. I invite any dissention to my selections. I will try to include numerous genres. So, without further to do, the highcountry's list of must reads.

Modern American Fiction:

John Steinbeck: The Grapes of Wrath, Travels With Charley, and East of Eden

The Grapes of Wrath provided an arena for Steinbeck to blow the whistle regarding the treatment of the migrant farm workers that were caught not only in the trap of the Great Depression, but the eventual and ongoing movement from an agrian to an urban society.

Travels With Charley: This book is a memoir of sorts that contains many prophetic statements about the loss of local color and ultimate urbanization. The section about Steinbeck's time in NoDak is especially interesting. As Teddy Roosevelt would say - bully.

East of Eden: Though clouded by the noteriety garnished from Oprah's book club, this is a great read. This book provides not only a familial history, but a geographical one as well.

Substitution for East of Eden: Check out Wallace Stegner's Angle of Repose - Another great book. I feel this book follows the same archetype. For some reason, I am intrigued by literature of place. This book reinforces the importance of geography in a literary setting. it is often argued that Literature of the American West opposed the ideology that a story must be universal to be canonized. The setting as a functioning character in the story opposes this philosophy This is an argument in itself and I will take up this conversation at a later date if you are the one buying the beer.

A River Runs Through It
Norman MacLean

This is an excellent read that takes less than an afternoon. Anyone that has ever been to Montana should pick this one up. I actually conducted a miny workshop concerning this novella to fellow grad students last fall. Again, I have little time for elaboration. I have five days of lectures and discussion questions if anyone is interested.

Cermony
Leslie Marmon Silko

This book just kicks ass. A piece that I feel transcends the guru movement surrounding the Native American genre. Silko explores the identity crisis of a WWII vet in the character of Tayo. This book is truly a journey for the reader.

Reservation Blues
Sherman Alexie

For those of you who read Reservation Blues or watched the movie Smoke Signals, the characters will be familiar. This book parallels the life of Robert Johnson. Again, too good to give away.

The Outlaw Josey Wales
Forrest Carter

Think about movie for God's sake!

The Big Sky
Arlo Guthrie

The archetyple western

Moby Dick
Herman Melville

This book is an exploration of America's fixation with the sea. When juxtaposed with Western expansion many wonderful observations can be made. Ahab is an absolute psycho.

The Old Man and the Sea
Ernest Hemingway

One can never go wrong with the story of Santiago and Manolin. This is one of my favorites. I used to teach this book. My first reading was conducted in Mexico a number of years ago. I would suggest checking out the Spencer Tracy movie as well. "A man can be destroyed, but not defeated."

I am going to suggest three American poets as well: Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, and Allen Ginsberg

-I feel that one should read Whitman and Ginsberg together. Both of these individuals manage to embody my feelings about this country, both good and bad, in their works. I also want to go to New York whenever I read these works. The best PBS program ever was a literary biography of Whitman hosted by Ginsberg.

Frost: This guy was alive for a long time and managed to chronicle Americana in his works. I especially appreciate his literary progression that parrallels that of this country. His early poetry has been criticized and labeled as romantic marketing. I guess I like Frost for the same reason I detest James Fennimore Cooper.

BRITISH

Shakespeare

My favorite two plays are "King Lear" and "Julius Caesar"

i feel that each individual should at least read one Shakespeare play in his/her lifetime. Check out Sir Laurence Oliver as King Lear. Is Sir John Gilgood a better Brutus or Caesar? How about Marlin Brando as Marc Antony? Again, I am always open to conversation about Shakespeare. I also have great photos of mother and I at Shakespeare's birthplace.

Emily Bronte
Wurthering Heights

For some reason I have also found this book to be haunting. A must read for any fan of the Smiths and/or the Cure.

IRISH

A Star Called Henry
Roddy Doyle

The author of the infamous "The Commitments" penned a great novel depicting the Irish Revolution. This book is awesome. I felt like I was in the revolution when reading this piece. If works like this were used to teach history, kids might acutally learn something. AFTER READING THIS, I finally forgave Mr. Doyle for Mustang Sally.

James Joyce
-I read The Dubliners. I would suggest Ullyseus of Finnegan's Wake if you have two weeks to lock yourself in a room for 2-3 weeks. I asked my friend the other day if he ever got through Ullyseus. His response, "no, but the last time i picked up the book I used it to cut coke." This is exacly what Joyce will do to you.

RUSSIAN

One Day In the Life of Ivan Denisovich
Aleksander Sozhenitsyn

Darkness At Noon
Arthur Kestler (sp)

Two great works that chronicle Stalinistic Russia.

At least one book by Dostoevsky

Anton Chekhov
"Gooseberries"

This short story is required reading. If you guys have time to read through this list, look this story up on the computer. It is excellent.

OTHER:

Wobegon Boy
Garrison Keillor

For some reason I just loved this book. i have actually read it a number of times. I bought it when I lived in Ireland. It is one of those books I started reading in the bookstore and couldn't put it down until I went to bed.

Brave New World
Aldous Huxley

Cliche but excellent

The Bible

You will finally understand what every poet and author prior to 1960 is talking about.

The Iliad

This book is badass - action movie for academics

Beyond Good and Evil
Friedrich Nietzsche

This work does not justify nihilism or anarchy, but it does promote alcoholism.

-I have left some off the list, but I hope that this gets some wheels turning.

2005-01-28T13:33:00.000-08:00

A Symbol Unity, or Some New Menu Items?

It is more than evident that this nation has been polarized since the presidential election. There is, however, hope. I was just flipping through the channels and I witnessed something I have never seen before: MTV and CMT were playing the same video. First of all, MTV rarely plays videos, but to see the same video on both channels? Come on people...if Nelly and Tim McGraw can come together and exploit the youth of this country, can't we all come together?
Who else has heard the song or seen the video? Sweet Jesus! Most of you know that I really enjoy shitty music...Tim McGraw and Nelly both have their respective places in my Ipod, but wtf. Even I have to draw the line somewhere. My God, I can handle Aerosmith and Run DMC, or Cypress Hill on the Lollapolloza tour, or even larry listening to ONYX in his flashy Oldsmobile, but don't mix my hunting tunes with my nightclub/NFL highlight film tunes. Certrain things were never meant to go together: seafood items and the word salad - example: shrimp salad: doesn't sound too good, does it? WNBA - one too many letters. Ohhhh....I just about forgot, country-rap, sounds like a f##king promotional menu at Applebee's. Excuse me, can I see your country wrap menu? Oh, the ranch, buffalo chicken wrap sounds splendid, I will have that with the onion petals and a hurricane.

2005-01-19T19:33:00.000-08:00

Who is the ultimate jury?

As many of you know, the weekly itinerary here in the nation includes 25-30 hours a week at Mighty Western Furniture. Most days, we have a selected classic rock station blaring out tunes as we reconstruct relics representative of the primativa genre of furniture making. For tourists and wealthy patrons, these pieces represent the spirit of the southwest and provide colorful decor for overpriced adobe homes and less than adeaquate water supplies. For the native american of the southwest, the spanish colonial style represents the attempted assasination of a culture and the stealing of homelands that equate to the death of the spirit of the southwest. I just thought of that and it seems really ironic.

Anyway, enough about that...the reason why the nation calls on its allies is to figure a serious question: who is the judge/jury that canonizes music into the classic rock genre? As we all know, these stations will usually play and ecclectic mix of Jackson Brown, Steely Dan, a ton o' Tom Petty, Traffic(when Steve Winwood was cool), a bit of Journey, the Doors, and numerous other acts that need not be mentioned. There are also some geographical classic rock bands. Example: the stations of the aforementioned format will play the Grateful Dead and Peter Tosh in both Colorado and New Mexico. I have never heard these bands on a classic rock station in other areas, not even Bozeman, Montana.

To the heart of the question:
I have noticed some new members have been inducted into the fraternity of classic rock. The Red Hot Chili Peppers - selected songs from their catalog have been harnessing quite a bit of play time. Under the Bridge and the song from the Coneheads movie are the only two that I have heard. Another odd induction is REM. The only song they play, however, is Orange Crush. I am not a huge fan of the rem, but I know they have better songs than that. I also know these songs are taking airtime away from Journey and the other tremendous musical accomplishments that Steve Perry released during his solo career.

Does anyone out there know who these people are that have the jurisdiction to lump the peppers and rem with the likes of Meatloaf and Micheal McDonald? Yes, Micheal McDonald - not only a Doobie Brother, but a stellar solo act and recently a Motown Act. The guy is like the U2 of classic rock.

2005-01-18T17:21:00.000-08:00

back in the groove...

We at the nation are back in the groove of things after a lengthy vacation. Although I did spend last week working, it still seemed like an extension to the vacation. I started school yesterday. We are currently tackling Homer and Chaucer in Middle English. Whenever I get drunk in Minot, which is a lot, I will express myself in "the tongue."

Exciting news - I am supposed to have sixty pieces of furniture finished in the next 20 weeks. We have a show in Denver at the end of May. It will be exciting to find out if any of my creations fall apart. Oh...be on the lookout for the new Mighty Western Furniture hats due out later this month.

Other than that, people in Santa Fe have been protesting the inaguration for the last week. It is a festive atmosphere and Tim Reynolds marched against inaguration on Saturday. I hear that Phish is going to reunite in the Plaza and free vegan goodies will be available to all the dissenters. There is also a buzz that Metallica is playing a screw the inaguration/down with Napster concert in Phoenix. Oh, I almost forget, the Eyes of Oedipus, the kickass Doors cover band from Akron, will be playing a screw the inaguration/help the cool countries hurt by tsunami (cool countries are the ones where American travelers can write their own prescriptions) in Vail.

Most of the other hip ski towns will have screw the inaguration parties as well. Those poor kids of doctors and lawyers caught in a vicious world of running lifts, doing eightballs, and drinking microbrews with cliche names that somehow reflect the area. If Kerry would have won, these kids would...? I don't know what those kids have to complain about. But, the screw the inaguration party will be the hottest thing since the day Warren Miller filmed the spring ski party where people skiied across a man made pond and girls raced down the mountain with their boobies hanging out.

Hicountry's Inaguration Day:

Get up at 6:45
-urinate
-make coffee
-drive to work
turn on classic rock radio
-make furniture with a southwest flair
-listen to Brooks and Dunn on the way home

-Here is where the protest starts
-Pregame with an adult film and some coors light
Either go to a bar or watch television
-Call Larry and tell him how drunk I am and that he is a girl
Plus, I will not buy anything to screw up the economy(except for gasoline, beer, and pork products)
I am trying to change my ways, but Rome was not built in a day.

HAPPY SCREW INAGURATION DAY!

I

2005-01-10T10:04:00.000-08:00

sweatin'

Dylan was sweating me when I was home because I failed to update the blog during my little vacation to the frozen tudra. I had a really fun trip. A number of people made it home for the Christmas holiday, and then I spent a coupld of days at the World Junior Hockey Tournament in Grand Forks. That was some of the best hockey I have ever seen. It also doesn't hurt that Semrau rolls out the red carpet when I come to town. Wolsky joined me for the tournament. Hjalmer and Karen also made an appearance in Grand Forks for the bronze and gold games. The Canadien fans were hilarious. I never seen that many drunk people in my life. It is like Christmas at the Carlson multiplied by 10000 and everyone wearing team Canada gear.

It is Monday morning and I am getting ready to go to work. Parke called me at 8 this morning and told me to wait until after lunch to come. I usually don't work on Monday because I have school, but classes do not start until next week. I am going to work this week and spend the weekend in Colorado Springs watching UND play CC.

I am taking the trip with a buddy of mine that I used to teach with. He had some cancer cut out of his mouth last week and is waiting for the diagnosis. Hopefully, he and I are celebrating in the Springs.

It was great to see every one over the holidays. When are you guys coming to Santa Fe?

2004-12-14T21:55:00.000-08:00

#3

No, it is not a Dave Matthews song, it is the epic made for television film by ESPN. It chronicles the life of the intimidator, Dale Earnhardt. I had the privelage to see this cinematic masterpiece on Saturday. It is tough to pigeon hole this film into any one genre. I would say that it is an ecclectic mix of 8 Seconds and Days of Thunder with a sprinkle of the George Strait classic, Pure Country. God, I should be puttin' the rubber to the road instead of spinning my wheels in graduate school. Instead of pondering existence and substance, I could be drinking Busch Light and putting smooth moves on the ladies at the track. The film does well documenting the feud between Dale Waltripp and Dale Earnhardt. Apparantly Earnhardt was looked down upon for his lack of education. He didn't finish high school, but he "had it in him, and no one could take it out." I thought racing was like junior hockey except the drivers never finish their GREs.

I am on the second of my two papers due on Thursday. I wrote quite the essay on ol' Fred Nietzsche. I would have never imagined that the world is merely a fiction. I am listening to Snoop right now on my ipod. I bet Fred and Snoop would have got along well.
Fred: "your democratic ideals are a falsity, all you fools equate intellectual freedom with a synthetic belief in your economic freedom that is a mere illusion created by the established morality."
Snoop: "Fred, I agree with all the s*** you say about the b****es. I gots no clue about that mutherf***in s*** you yappin about now. Snizzle, remember that s*** you asted at the start of that s*** about Good and Evil. S*** what was the question?"
Fred: "Supposing truth is a woman - what then?"
Snoop: I don't how you do s*** in Germany, beeotch. Boo-yaaa...if it was me, I would f*** truth and smoke a fatty with Nate Dogg,"

2004-12-09T14:00:00.000-08:00

Post

It has been forever since my last post. School and work have been keeping me super busy. I have two papers due a week from today, and then it will be a white Christmas in the land of Dakota. I hope that all are gearing up for the annual hockey game. I have Eide's number. Larry, your ass is grass as well.

Did anyone catch the Daily Show interview with Paul O'Neill? I will honestly say that my feelings about the current administration changed in the span of 30 seconds. O'Neill's comments were eye opening. As most of you know, my politics are generally on the right, but I am starting to come around see what the hub-bub is all about. O'Neill compared his time with the Bush adminstration to his time with Nixon and Ford. The basic synopsis of the conversation is the fact the earlier administrations had accountability. Again, I know I will get slammed because it took me this long, but hey, I try to have faith in my convictions. But, I have to thank Mr. O'Neill for letting me hear it from the horse's mouth.

This brings me to my next concern - I saw the larry King interview with John Stewart last night on CNN. Mr. Stewart spent the day at CNN - check out what he did on Crossfire. Does anyone else find it disturbing that the majority of young professionals in this country get their news from the Daily Show? The question I pose: is the Daily Show truly satire - meaning that it is not merely entertainment, the comedy, in effect, is trying illicit some change? Does anyone else thing about this? It seems like our generation, with a big fat highlighter on drunken graduate students like myself, are happy to live in apathy. Is it the fate of our generation to sit around and bitch and never strive for real change. People will argue this point about the past election, but that was, in essence, an effort to make a cosmetic change.

I guess this post seems odd because if I really want to help the environment I could drive a smaller car, always make sure to use green bags, and be super aware about what I buy/consume. I could donate money instead of buying all the worthless shit that i purchase. There is some shit I could do to help my selected problems intrensically. I have been thinking about this stuff ever since I quit teaching. I felt like I was making a difference, but the time there just ground me down.

I have to get to school - happy holidays

2004-11-05T13:50:00.000-08:00

majestic beast expired

I have been away a long time. School and work are keeping me super busy. In fact, I will be writing a paper on Descarte this weekend instead of attending a reffing clinic in Gunnison. I met Hjalmer in Colorado last weekend for a deer hunting trip. Needless to say, we both killed majestic beasts. Mine, however, was more majestic than the old man's. As soon as I figure out how to post photos, you will all get a glimpse.

Colorado was a nice break from Santa Fe. Everyone around here is wearing black trucker hats and listening to Dave Matthews ballads after a crushing defeat in the election. I was really surprised. I was pretty confident that kerry was going to win.

2004-10-11T21:32:00.000-07:00

John Kerry - Senator, Candidate, Highcountry's Neighbor

That's right folks, John Kerry is holding up in Santa Fe to prepare for the last debate to be held on Wednesday. I guess he had a town hall debate here earlier today. This city is overwhelmingly liberal - huge surprise for a place that boasts 400 art galleries. I have some photos to post, and I will as soon as I figure out how to accomplish that task.

I have been keeping really busy going to school and making distressed furniture. It is actually a really cool process. In addition to assembling and finishing furniture, I am also apprenticing as a wood carver. So far I have been working a ton with a chisle and learning some basic techniques - photos on the way soon. I had a buddy visit town this past weekend, yesterday, today, and tomorrow are all recovery days. Just another reminder that I am getting too old for weekend benders.

Back to the old election...is it ever going to be over? I am going to throw up if I see one more attack ad. Did anyone see Drew Berrymore's Choose of Lose special? Just because she has suddenly found enlightenment with a realization that she can be part of the democratic process, she has a sudden obligation to encourage people to make their voices heard.

I also had the opportunity to see the infamous Sway provide a rallying cry for the youth to get there on election. I wonder if the Limp Bizcuit effect will prove to be a factor in November's election.

A suggestion to all: Buy the book put out by the Daily Show.

2004-09-29T19:11:00.000-07:00

Computer Problems...

My computer is now functional and I can again justify the money I throw at comcast every month. I have a digital camera...as soon as I figure out how to post photos, visions of Santa Fe and my exciting life will float around the world wide web.

Right now I am in the process of writing a paper that is due tomorrow. It is on Aristotle's Metaphysics...I have no idea what the hell I am talking about. Hopefully, two more pages will be puked out so I can go down to the bar and have a couple of cocktails.

I found out yesterday that I am working in a studio and am an apprentice craftsman. I am really enjoying my new job - it is just the boss, me, and cochese the cat. We make distressed furniture and listen to classic rock. Today we listened to the classic rock station for six hours, the talking heads, and finished the day with a little Jimmy Buffett. The process of distressing furniture is interesting - it is the same concept as wearing well worn jeans. It just blows my mind that people pay 600 bucks for something that was designed to look 100 years old.

OUt

2004-09-20T13:03:00.000-07:00

Chips Free...Dinner Extra

I ate at the best damn restaurant in the city last week. I have to say that the NM culinary styles are to my liking. I have also logged in a full week's work at Mighty Western Furniture. Parke is a great guy to work for. If anyone is in the market for cowboy furniture, I can get you a discount, and the muse receives a commission as well.

I just had a meeting with one of my professors. I am trying to write a paper on metaphysics...oh, but I am too busy blogging and watching reality tv. Is anyone out there watching the new season of the real world. I cannot believe that Arramo is gay. This season's slut is among the sluttiest in the history of the program. If I were in MJ's shoes, I would be making a whole issue of Penthouse Letters.

I am one of the 5% that really cares about the NHL lockout. The news of the lockout was just behind the daily results for the WNBA in most major newspapers. What is up with America's Next Top Model coming from the Magic City? I saw a guy from Fargo on Pimp My Ride. I hope she represents a little better than that clown.

I drank beers this weekend, but failed to witness anything cool.

2004-09-13T13:30:00.000-07:00

Equality...

Wow...I am happy that this weekend is over and the Muse is still in one piece. The city of Santa Fe celebrated the Viva Fiesta. It all started Thursday when a large puppet was burned signifying the burning of all negative things from the last year. It is rumored that the Viva Fiesta is the archetype for the Burning Man. Anyway, I had class Thursday night and work on Friday, so I had to wait until Friday evening to join in the celebration.

I ingested plenty of cocktails no doubt, but I was more intriqued with the carnival type atmosphere downtown at the Plaza. I listened to a number of mariachi bands. I also caught a couple of local acts on the main stage. The funny thing about the whole weekend was the fact that I felt like I was back at the NDSF. There are freakshows everywhere, and SF is no exception. What is it about carnivals that brings people out of the woodwork? I saw a number of people who made me feel really skinny and really good looking. A tattoo clad Larry would have fit in perfect walking around shirtless.

The streets were lined with russian roulette food stands. Not only is the food offered a tad on the unhealthy side, but every bite increases the probability of contracting hepatitis or a food born illness.

Vikes smoked the Cowboys yesterday. My prediction: Vikes will go 11-5 and we will all be talking super bowl in december. The Vikes will then choke in the playoffs and talk of omnipotent Vikings fans will be of the I told you so sort.

2004-09-08T18:48:00.000-07:00

Oops...

I hit the publish button instead of the insertion code. I will put up the intended site later on. Anyway, I have been looking through the 300+ galleries in Santa Fe to find Mikey's work. It turns out his stuff is in a gallery less than three blocks from my house. It was really cool to see his work.

After looking at said artwork, I wandered downtown. One of the only corps that has a location in downtown Santa Fe is the Gap. Who was staring at me from the window...the larger than life Josh Duhmal. He and Sarah Jessica Parker are the new Gap folks. The whole larger than life window stickers are disturbing to say the least. Well, there are two famous Minotians, maybe my life story will end up being an after school special.

A fare amount of the weekend was spent bbqing on the porch. We enjoyed numerous grilled meats and lovely pasta salad. I have met a number of interesting people in this town. I have yet to meet any republicans. It seems that every time I engage in a conversation, the subject of politics comes up. I was talking to a painter in a gallery today - he stated that the sagging art market in Santa Fe is Bush's fault. I have decided I will change my vote if I find out that Bush is behind all the advertising in adult magazines. If Kerry will pass laws to make sure that 90 pages of porn will actually be 90 pages (even 86), he will be my man.

I have been looking to the Goo Goo Dolls and Gideon Yago for all my political advice. Gideon, the edgier younger looking Carson Daly, has taught me that one needs not to wear ties - pastel shirts, top button open, sleeves slightly rolled, and a five'o clock shadow are all one needs to interview the president or Mr. Heinz.

The Goo Goo Dolls and other politically savvy musicians and entertainers have taught me that a life in Hollywood, cocaine and tour buses, and the school of entertainment allows one to make sweeping political statements to thousands of people. If my vote is ever determined by a drunken night at a Limp Bizcuit show, I will kill myself. The only entertainer I would even consider listening to is the great John Anderson. John Anderson is too punk to get involved in politics. He is way to preoccupied with growing his blonde Samson like locks, his radical beard, and refining the style that he pioneered in the late 80's(those radical country western shirts emblazoned with leather, TURQOIUSE, beads, and/or feathers).

If John Anderson were president: women would be allowed a straight tequila night once a month, the DUI limited would be raised to .25 (.3 after concerts and in rural areas), the NHL would not lock out, there would be public health care ( a free 5th of whiskey with every cold, duct tape, band-aids, and super glue would be available at the local store free of charge), the war in Iraq would be over, NO MORE WNBA, and his cabinet would consist of two people: Brooks and Dunn.

2004-09-08T18:43:00.001-07:00

2004-09-08T18:43:00.000-07:00

Unemployment almost over...it is all it is cracked up to be!

I start work on Friday. My employer was not quite ready today, so he bumped the starting date a little. Even though I have been going to school, not working is a little odd. I feel like there is no reason to get out of bed because my classes do not start until the afternoon. It is this feeling of retirement - there is really no hurry to get anything done.

I had a very Minot weekend. Not only did I drink heavily, some Minot elements popped up in Santa Fe. I called Reggie to find out the location of Mikey's art work here in Santa Fe.

2004-09-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

Santa Fe Style...

OK...so I felt that it was time to change the title. The elevation is the same, but this place just isn't the high country. I am really starting to enjoy this area. Today I walked around the open market in the Plaza. There was plenty for sale, but the current financial status of the muse makes any purchase difficult. This will hopefully all change next Wednesday. I have a meeting with a woodworker to do his sanding, staining, and installation of doors, gates, cabinets etc...

Last week I bit the bullet and put my stuff together for substitute teaching in case my quest as a woodworker fails. I really want to work for this guy so I can learn a bit about building custom furniture. He does some super cool stuff. My worst nightmare is substitute teaching. I feel that some time away from the world of secondary education will be beneficial to my constitution.

I have a week and half of graduate work under my belt. Perhaps a change in potlical views, a renewed interest in Dave Matthews and pot is in my future. My segement this semester focuses on theology and philosophy. The reading load and the subject matter are both a bit heavy, but I find the program enjoyable thus far.

Anyone suffering through the World Cup of Hockey(formerly known as the Canda Cup)? The USA is sucking hind tit. For God's sake! We lose to Canada, then Russia, and then pull it out for a win against Slovakia. We are lucky that the wall fell or hockey would be unbearable to watch. It does interest me that Czech and Slovakia did not come up with new names when they split. They could have thought of something that would promote tourism. Do kids that visit Europe spend five days in each country? Or, do they count them as one so as not to mess up the European tour esatablished before the fall. If this country split into three parts would we call ourselves United, States, and America? Or, would it be Dakota, Texas, and Cleveland?

As soon as I figure out my camera, I will post some photos. Until then, you are stuck reading my worthless observations.

2004-08-30T12:52:00.000-07:00

Back on Track...

We started classes last Thursday, and I am slowly gettting myself back on track. My internet will be connected in a couple of days. This blog will be getting a face-lift in effort to radiate a more southwest flair.

I spent the weekend wandering around the Plaza(downtown area). If anyone is looking for some crazy art, come on over and visit. I was unaware that Santa Fe is one of the largest art markets in the country. The city also boasts over 400 restaraunts. I have started to acquire quite the taste for chile. For those of you that plan on venturing back to the magic city for the holidays - heed my warning. I am going to buy a bushel of green chiles for the freezer.

Kerry mania has taken over this town. Yesterday there were some large protests. I was not aware that the Demos were going to demonstrate all over the country. It is nice, however, for those folks that hate all that is moral and good to have a platform to demonstrate without the expensive travel costs and charges for extended cell phone coverage. I have come to one conclusion: the Democrats possess much more wit when comes to bashing Bush.

Seriously, I know that many of you are concerned about this election, please don't think that i am a Kerry hater. I will vote for the candidate who steps into this NHL lockout. My first few days at this college have tempted me again to move to the Great White North. My desire is not based on political ideals as much as having access to SCTV reruns and pies made of meat. Sometimes we get so hung up in the issues that we forget little pleasures like meat pies and Gene Leavy.

One more thing interesting about New Mexico. Many of the casinos and ALL of the strip joints are dry. A strip joint without alcohol is like...a strip joint without alcohol. Just another reason to move north.

2004-08-23T13:59:00.000-07:00

Lo Siento

The Muse is back and in full force. A summer of gopher shooting, binge drinking, and working is all wrapped up. The high country is behind me, and I am looking forward to a new life in the land of turqoiuse, aleins, and green chile. That's right, the muse has relocated to sunny Santa Fe, New Mexico to pursue a masters at St. John's College.

I am currently relaxing in the Magic City. Ross has suddenly resurfaced after a couple of years in Hawaii and a brief stint in Asia. He will be roaming the Northern Plains for around six months. Wolsky was also back on the scene from S. Carolina. We managed to slide down some fish bowls at the world famous Dakota Lounge. Greg and Lula were there to witness the display. I will post some photos when I return to Santa Fe.

Brief Rundown of the summer:

June - July:

Worked most of the month. Headed to Detroit to participate in Lars' wedding. Made the realization that Detroit is the shittiest place in the world. I would rather spend the next ten years eating my own shit than live in Detroit. Pictures can do no justice as to just how shitty that place really is. I went to Des Moines for a little while as well. La Familia spend a lovely Independence Day together. We also discussed the importance of hand guns.

Spent the rest of July working. I also turned 27 - only 13 more years and I will have an excuse to be overweight.

August:

Worked until the 14th, moved to Santa Fe, and then on to ND for some r and r.
We are going out to eat tonight, and I hope to meet up with Baehm later on. I have many more stories to tell.

Santa Fe in a nut shell: I have a place in a hippy's melrose place. My neighbors are some of the most interesting people I have met in my life.

2004-06-11T13:54:00.000-07:00

Back in the Saddle

I am back in the highcountry. Currently I am at the high school watching Christine finish the yearbook. I had a wonderful evening in Douglas Wyoming. I will try and post some photos soon. I will try my best to keep this updated. I will be back on track with postings when I start Grad School in the fall.

2004-06-09T21:16:00.000-07:00

Hail Pierre

I created a post a couple days ago only to lose it. I had scripted a fair amount of my journey, but the post is lost somewhere in cyberspace. I will be hicountry bound early tomorrow morning. I have had quite the enjoyable stay here in the magic city. We had a whale of a storm earlier this week. The hail and rain would generate at least a belly laugh out of the railroad tycoon James J. Hill. I think that Pierre Minot and Erik Ramstad were having an indian wrestling match in the sky. My money would have to go on Pierre. I felt the storm was a punishment aimed at me. The demons of Minot were crashing down because I have disrespected this city.

The remedy for the demons came on Monday night when I finally tracked down the infamous Bahem. We manged to squeeze down a fair number of cocktails at the world reknowned dakota lounge. If you have not been to the Mecca of drinking that is Minot, then I suggest you put on your drinking boots and make a pilgrimmage. The Dak should be your first prayer stop. I suggest Monday night for the 7 dollar all you can drink special. I will write more extensively on the Minot bar scene when I regain my senses.

Update time: I receieved an email from Captain Leisure(Ross T.). He is currently in Vietnam on vacation. He will go to Laos next. He said that he is really enjoying himself. I am excited for him because he is trying to put together enough money to shoot a cow with a rocket launcher. It costs two hundred dollars. I might wire him the money.

I am staying in Douglas, Wyoming tomorrow night. If anyone is in the neighborhood, I will be at Chutes bar and grill watching the game. What the hell happened to Detroit last night? I hate the Lakers!

2004-06-03T11:30:00.000-07:00

Magic

I am being swept away by the majestic beauty of the Magic City. My head really hurts because I mananged to stomach an even baker's dozen of Coors Light last night. I managed to fend off the Minot demons until last night. Sometimes you eat this city, and sometimes this city eats you. It ate me up and spit me out! There is just something about Minot that enhances the drunken experience. Is it going to Applebees and hearing "how many for supper then?" How about, "oh...geez!"

LC is here in all his unemployed glory. My "happy" state last evening in conjunction with my pathetic appearance this morning takes a little heat off the Portland pansy. Anthony just made a surprise appearance from the big apple. Welcome Anthony...thank god I have another excuse for a bender.

Things I have accompished so far in NoDak:

-A baker's dozen of Coors Light in one evening
-Reshingled the back shed
-Fixed the power washer
-Had a routine eye exam
-Bought trim for Hjalmer's fortress(the back garage or country coach lair)
-Watched a VH1 marathon - Surviving Nugent

Plans for the next few days:

-Another baker's dozen
-Pre-finish trim, fasten to garage
-Go to the lake and catch a number of fish
-Shoot firearms

We are also going to spread the ashes of our beloved Trash. For those of you that are unaware or have forgotten, Trash was the family a dog. She was a black lab and a cornerstone of the Carlson Family. I would like anyone that has any memories of Trash to post under the comments section as we are on the heels of the Memorial Day. There will be a short service on Saturday at Casa del Norte (the Carlson compound on Douglas Bay) followed by a potluck supper.

Favorite Trash Memory 1:
She once at a tarp at our landfill. It was a large blue tarp covered in meat. It took her almost two weeks to completely shit the tarp out.

Favorite Trash Memory 2:
Her running into the sliding glass door a number of times at Rice Lake.

Favorite Trash Memory 3:
Gunz and I getting her drunk at the casa del norte. We would listen to contemporary country cds with our shirts off downstairs on the patio. Beer would poured on the concrete, and an intoxicated Trash would sway to the sounds of Dolly Parton's "Islands in the Stream."

Favorite Trash Memory 4:
Bahem and I were cutting down trees in the backyard. Hjalmer was yelling at me, and I was not listening. I cut the wedge in the wrong place - the tree fell and crushed the kennel. Hjalmer yelled and then laughed.

God Speed Trash...You are stilled loved and missed every day.

2004-05-24T09:29:00.000-07:00

Would You Like to Touch My Monkey?

I was working on the ranch this weekend. The gentlemen working alongside the muse found the monkey thing quite funny. Randy attempted to touch my monkey with the backhoe.

I went to a killer party on this guest ranch on Friday night. They do a thing for the neighbors every year - they had an open bar and some super good food. My buddy, one of the neighbors, invited me along for the festivities. There are a ton of hotties working there for the summer, both domestic and foreign. I feel in love a number of times. The dude ranch thing is pretty funny; it reminded me of the show Hey Dude. There was a leather worker there who had on the most ridiculous boots I have ever seen. In order to wear these boots, one would have to be either a leather worker or have a ton of money. The food was excellent and the beer was so cold that it hurt. We finished the night at the Parshall Inn.

Sad news here in the highcountry - one of the students from the high school hit and killed a bicyclist on highway 9 Friday night. That is the road that runs from here to Silverthorne and on to Breckenridge.

Stanley Cup Finals start tomorrow. The NHL is projecting the worst ratings in finals history. I am all for the Flames of Calgary. Do you fear and respect the Lightning? Am going to be the only one watching these games?

I am in the process of cleaning out my classroom. We have the kids until Thursday, Friday is a work day, and then I will be off to Dakota del Norte for a little R and R. LC is taking some time out of his busy schedule to make the trek home.

I figured out where Wolf, LC, Dylron, and the British employee would be this weekend if they were residents of the high country. Shakedown Street will be playing three days in row - sounds like one of Dante's levels.

2004-05-19T14:15:00.000-07:00

WWLD

What would larry do? Well, if he was in the high country, he would kill gophers. I have been waiting to get these photos developed forever. Here is another one of LC and I under the famous cliffs of Kremmlings.

I was unaware how out of control the beard got. I would like to get an earlier start next year so I can be sporting the look over the holiday season.

School is winding down - 7 days left. I have been lining up a ton of work for the summer. I will start this weekend with a roof I have to fix in Winter Park. I took a look at the house we are remodeling in June. I would love to have an extra 18 million laying around to buy a ranch.

I saw my boy Gary Barnett on the television last night - the CU scandal is still hot and heavy. It is too bad that those clowns down there do not know when to shut their mouths. Maybe old Gary should resign and take the job at Minot State. Minot State never produced a Kordell Stewart, but Josh Dumal did take some snaps.

2004-05-17T15:11:00.000-07:00

Baseball...Brandin'...Booze

That about sums up another weekend here in the high country. Vinny and went down to Denver to watch the Rockies play on Friday night. They suck. We picked up some tires for Vince's car, avoided a falling bridge, and got our asses back to the high country for a good ol' fashion branding early Saturday morning. I avoided a kick in the junk, but ended up getting cow blood all over my pants. I stated earlier that branding is not a PETA sanctioned event.

Did anyone out there catch SNL? Those Olsen Twins make me nervous. They don't even look real. Which is addicted to pain pills? Which one has an eating disorder? Both these talented ladies will soon be yapping about artistic skills. Which one will launch a solo music career? Home school and time with Bob Saget had to prepare at least one to write a terrible novel inspired by On The Road and Fear and Loathing.

I just received the sophomore research papers for the semester. Only two plagarists so far, but the night is still young. I have a busy week. I have to finish all these papers, fix a roof in Winter Park, start another remodel, and find time to go fishing.

I emailed some photos of Larry's journey to the High Country to a number of individuals. Said photos might be tomorrow's post. I also want to throw a shout out to Dylan...Thanks a million for the Mountain Dew email. That is the best thing I have seen on the web since "where's my baseball"

Things in Kremmling are icy hot!

2004-05-14T07:49:00.000-07:00

Rocky Mountain High

Things are busy here in the high country. Vinny and I are heading down to the big city to watch the Rockies and the Phillies tonight after work. The Rocks are almost at .500 this year, as usual we are all at the edge of our seats. We have to trek back to the highcountry early tomorrow; I have been invited to another branding tomorrow morning. Branding is like tailgating for ranchers. It is solid rationale to start drinking at 8 in the morning. I ran the drencher at the last branding I attended. Branding is not a PETA sanctioned event.

I went down to Vail last week and had a cocktail with my boy Kobe. He told me to watch out for chicks from Eagle County, they have attitude. If Kobe would have stayed at the Hotel Eastin in historic Kremmling, this whole mess could have been avoided. Aside from a few poaching incidents, i.e. Ty Murray and Steven Seagal, things stay pretty quiet in the high country. CU is still hot and heavy. I would have gone to grad school three years ago if St. John's lured me with strippers. I wish they would not be so hard on the football program at CU. One trip to Boulder and any individual will realize that there are a number of groups that need criticism. What about the recruiting practices of String Cheese Incident fans?

Big news here in the high country: Michelle Pfeiffer is building a house up on the Gore. She will only be 15 miles out of Kremmling. I am hoping for a Basic Instinct type incident at the Quarter Circle Saloon and Grill later on this summer.

Am I the only one watching the NHL playoffs? I am cheering against the Lightning right now. Although lightning is a noun, I lump them with teams that are named after adjectives. The Lightning is just so damn cheesy. The Wild illicited my fury on this issue. What the hell is a Wild. Exactly, it is friggin adjective.

2004-05-11T10:44:00.000-07:00

Summer is in the air and nipping at my heels. It is nice to only have three weeks of school left. I am heading to Rapid City as soon as I am finished with work. My buddy Scully is building a new house. I look forward to working for beers and steaks.

I will head up to dakota del norte after that. LC has decided to take some time out of his busy schedule to visit the folks. I will head back down here after a little R and R to make some scratch before I start grad school in the fall.

Another opportunity to house sit has presented itself. Actually, My buddy Leo lost his dad on Saturday night and took the family back to Wisconsin. I am holding down the fort while they are gone. I have to feed the dogs and his daughter's fish. Some huge responsibilty, but I think that I can handle it.

One of my co-workers was put on administrative leave for the rest of the year. My boss is worried about confrontation since they fired said individual for no reason. Our superintendent asked my co-worker, "have you thought about not working for the next 3 weeks and still getting paid?" Wow, what a genius! I have been thinking about not working for the rest of my life and still getting paid. Another great thing about education: we even have silly titles for paid vacation.

LC, have you ever thought about becoming a teacher?

2004-05-07T11:58:00.000-07:00

whassup

Guns sent me this site a long time ago. If you don't know about the stuntaz, then you betta asted somebody. I am that somebody. I am so pumped for the weekend.

We have sad news at WGHS. One of my students might have brain cancer. It sounds like all the results will be in later on today. She was in school briefly today to get some assignments. I told her that the research paper can wait. I hope that everything pans out.

The weekend is on the way. I will work again tomorrow at the ranch. Tonight is an open slate. Maybe a ride to the cliffs is in order. It is 80 here today. This whole friggin state is going to burn if this weather keeps.

2004-05-05T09:07:00.000-07:00

Finally

It seemed like forever, but spring is finally in full swing. I have been able to ride my bike the last ten days straight. I will miss the mountain biking around here almost as much as the hunting. Santa Fe will be nice, but I won't have ten different rides 5 minutes from my doorsteps.

I finally made it to Coors Field for my first Rockies game of the season last Sunday. The Rocks won a heartbreaker 13-4 against the Braves of Atlanta. The Braves had 7 errors - 4 on the third baseman. He was the best player we had. There were only 3 home runs between the two teams. Usually, it seems like there are 7 or 8. I try to make about 6 games a year. I don't care much for Denver, but I have enjoyed all the pro sports. I went to a couple Avalanche games and a few Nuggets contests through the course of the year. I watched the Nugs and T-Wolves play earlier this year. The guy I work for on the weekends got us 7th row tickets in the Pepsi Center. A good time was had by all.

I have a new favorite show on PBS. I have actually been watching it for about six months. Here is one of my favorite recipes... I am thinking about whipping some up for next Christmas in the Magic City. Take a look through the whole site... Viegstad is the man.
For those of you in or near the homeland, Larrous and I will be making a pilgrimage in early June. Beers will be sliding down at an exponential rate.

DON'T FORGET MOTHER's DAY...I wrote KC a poem and sent a card yesterday. It is tough to compete in this family. AC has a wife, so she put a card and creative present in the mail weeks ago. LC has plenty of GD time on his hands - it is guaranteed that he will take a break from beer guzzling and skateboarding to think of something that will turn on the water works in Dakota del Norte.

We have a couple days off from the playoffs. Thank God the Red Wings are out. I am pulling for the Flames of Calgary. Too bad Lanny McDonald doesn't come out of retirement for the remainder of the playoffs.

2004-04-30T10:22:00.000-07:00

Quitting

Well, I put in my letter of resignation this morning. It is official: the Muse is moving to Santa Fe. I think I might meet LC in the Magic City the first week in June, come back here and work at the Diamond 6 ranch until mid-August, and then start classes the end of the month.

I am taking classes focusing on philosophy and theology my first semester. I should be super confused by the time I come home for Christmas. It is snowing outside right now: it is a sign from Krom. Winter is a symbol for the end (my job), and spring is a time for rebirth. It seems like spring and summer are lumped into August in the GD Rockies.

This weekend: work, work, work, and more work. We are rebuilding this deck on the ranch. These people are crazy. The owner wants to maintain the rustic feel by maintaining this stuff. If I owned the place, I would do all the work with a lighter and matches.

String Cheese is touring with Allman Brothers...that is like getting kicked in the nuts and the ribs at the same time.

2004-04-28T13:22:00.000-07:00

Looking for Answers?

I was pondering many of life's difficult when questions when I happened upon this site If this site fails to answer your questions, I can be of no help to you.

I have been watching the NHL playoffs with vigor. My picks were just a little off. I also made some kick-ass chicken chili last night. Here is the recipe:

Steve's chicken chili

In a big pot

Cover the bottom in olive oil
Add a fair amount of crushed garlic
chop one large onion
-green pepper
-package of fresh mushrooms

-sautee for a few minutes and then add a can of beer
cook in beer for a few minutes
-add a can of tomato soup
-small can of tomato paste
-can of diced tomatos
-can of stewed tomatos
-can of kidney beans
-can of black beans
-can of one other beans (don't remember)

Grill 1 1/2 - 2 pounds of chicken, shred/chop and add
Add at least 3 tablespoons of chili powder
Dump a fair amount of worshestire sauce and let simmer for at least three hours.

I am going to add zucchini next time I make this.

2004-04-26T11:45:00.000-07:00

La Resistance

The movement has officially started. I need throw out props to my colleague and good friend John Lamb(from Fort Collins, not Fargo) for making me this shirt last weekend. I have a feeling that shirt will cost me a broken nose somewhere down the line. You all know how defensive those texans can get.

I worked on the ranch again this weekend. I had a good time digging in a cattle grate on Saturday. I spent yesterday in Breckenridge scouting a couple of hockey teams. I ate at the Bubba Gump Shrimp Company. It is amazing how the restaurant is almost as annoying as the movie.

One of the servers threw up on the patio when I was there. Yesterday was the last day of the ski season, so all the workers were taking things pretty easy. In the span of about 15 minutes, said server had: a red bull and vodka, a seven and seven, a shot of jagermeister, and a couple of shots of Yukon Jack. It made the dining experience worth.

I also found time to slaughter some gophers and a fairly large jack rabbit.

2004-04-22T09:32:00.000-07:00

The Onion | America's Finest News Source�

2004-04-19T11:52:00.000-07:00

Excellent
Great weekend! I put some tin roofs on a couple of log structures at the Diamond 6 Ranch on Saturday. We did, however, find some time to slay some gophers on a couple of breaks. I went up to Reeder Creek yesterday and watched the sage grouse do their mating thing. The males have these white sacks they puff out to impress the females. The birds dance around - great excuse to get up at 6 in the morning. I then hiked around and found some elk. I got within twenty yards of 4 majestic beasts. It is a pretty cool spectacle.

Larry called me on Thursday night. I was sleeping soundly, it was around 3 in the morning, and the phone started ringing. It was Larry on the other end. He asked, "Why did you answer your phone?" I replied, "Because you called, dumbass?" Even though I am hearing impared, I have no trouble hearing my phone in the middle of the night. One day I will find the exchange humorous.

I am hoping to take in my first Rockies game of this season this coming Friday. They are already tanking - this insures that I will be able to get some great seats. For those of you that are baseball fans, I would suggest a weekend series at Coors Field. It is fun to drink beers and watch homeruns. The Astros will be in town. Look for me on the television.

I am going to the dentist at 3 today. The excitement is just not there. I am praying to Krom for no cavities.

THE FIGHT AGAINST tEXAS IS STILL ON...I have found a couple of websites that will aid in the battle. Many of you may recall my platform that will not only alleviate our problems in the Middle East, but will also rid the Red, White, and Blue of the fungus we call texas. Forget the alamo.

-Annex Canada
-Send everyone from Quebec to texas
-Give texas to Mexico in exchange for 7 sombreros and a hand carved chess set.
-Drain Canada of its natural resources
-Move The Avalanche back to Quebec (renamed "Steveland")
-Send the Stars back to Minnesota
-Give the Minnesota Wild to Minot
-Quit treating strippers like they are criminals - give the respect they deserve. Treat them with the respect they deserve; they are women in nursing school trying to catch a break.

OUT

2004-04-15T12:02:00.000-07:00

Maybe Alan Ginsberg is still alive!

Wow, you need to check this out. This is unbelievable. My buddy John found this and had to point it out to me. It reminds me or a GWAR song.

2004-04-14T13:58:00.000-07:00

Bill Ocean

I had the pleasure of hearing a couple Bill Ocean tracks over the weekend. I feel that Bill Ocean is the most underappreciated artists of the 20th century. He is the friggin Pablo Picasso of the soul/pop blend. He takes those two genres, puts them in a blender, and creates a smoothie that no sane individual can resist. Thanks for the memories!

It is research paper time for the sophomores at West Grand High School. Check out this site. This is what I put up with on a daily basis. My favorite has to be the young ladies that end the majority or their sentences with an exclamation point. I still don't understand why some folks are so excited about everything! Sometimes they write about world hunger! Homelessness is another that will catch the eye of a young lass! My all time favorite is reflections on racisim!

I have decided that I am going to graduate school for sure. I am pumped to move to Santa Fe. The high country will be missed.

Oh, I almost forget. I branded cows this weekend. It was one of the more interesting things I have done in my life. Kelly branded the cows, Vince and another guy gave them shots, and I put this stuff on their backs for worms. MY favorite part was drinking Bud at 11 in the morning when we finished up.

2004-04-08T09:04:00.000-07:00

One more time for the stache.

I was thinking about the Stanely Cup Playoffs this morning. I would not allow my players to grow beards. Instead, I would have them all get Stanley Cup Champion tatoos before the playoffs started. If my team would lose, then all the players would have to undergo painful laser surgery to remove said tatoo. I think one year of that shit, and I would have one motivated hockey club.

2004-04-07T11:55:00.000-07:00

NoDak

I noticed that the overwhelming sense of North Dakotacentrism has even found its way into Scott's blog. I have been feeling this way was well. I am the hockey reporter for the local paper (Middle Park Times), and I use the pen name NoDak.

I have been reading Steinbeck's Travels with Charley - In Search of America with my American Literature class. I had forgotten the nice things that Steinbeck had to say about Fargo and the great state of North Dakota:

"Curious how a place unvisited can take such hold on the mind so that the very name sets up a ringing. To me such a place was Fargo, North Dakota...Fargo to me is brother to the fabulous places of the earth, kin to those magically remote spots mentioned by Herodotus and Marco Polo and Mandeville. From my earliest memory, if it was a cold day, Fargo was the coldest place on the continent. If heat was the subject, then at the time the papers listed Fargo as hotter than any place else, or wetter or drier, or deeper in snow"(135).

Wow! ND getting some props from the man who blew the whistle on the great depression. Where is Oprah's Book Club now, biatch?

2004-04-07T10:23:00.000-07:00

RESPECT

Magnum Muse

This is the photo that you have all been waiting for. It has really become a part of me. The respect keeps coming from other gentleman "in the know."

The NHL playoffs start tonight. Here are my picks for the first round.

Eastern Conference:

(1) Tampa vs. (8) NY Islanders
-Tampa will win this series easily in five.

(2) Boston vs. (7) Montreal
-I hate to admit that Montreal will lose this one in six. Boston will go on to win the Stanley Cup

(3) Philadelphia vs. (6) New Jersey
-The defending champs(NJ) will defeat the Flyers in six. The East is so close that ranks mean little.

(4)Toronto vs. (5) Ottawa
-Toronto will take the Senators in six. Toronto has a tough squad and made some trade moves late in the season (Leetch via NY Rangers) that will insure the Leafs a birth in the second round.

Western Conference

(1) Detroit vs. (8) Nashville
-Detroit will win, but it will take seven games. Nashville finished the season strong.

(2) San Jose vs. (7) St. Louis
-The Sharks will beat the Blues in five. I think the Sharks will represent the West in the Cup Finals.

(3) Vancouver vs. (6) Calgary
-Calgary will win this series in five. The Canucks have lost their luster after Bertuzzi was suspended. Calgary's goaltender, Kiprusoff, is the hottest thing in the NHL. He finished the season with a 1.69 goals against average. If he plays well, the Flames right his train just like Anaheim did last year with Gigure.

(4) Dallas vs. (5) Colorado

Dallas will win this series easily in five. The Avalanche have been sucking hind tit for the last month by not beating a team with an above five hundred record. They finished the season losing games to Nashville and Columbus as well as blowing the division title.

I have got run. You all have an excuse to get drunk tonight - get Cup Crazy!

2004-04-02T11:36:00.000-08:00

mustache

I have had mustache for five days. I have been fully accepted in the sacred fraternity of the mustache. My life has been totally different. As soon as one makes his facial hair exclusive to the top lip, it suddenly becomes evident that a number of men have a mustache. I have noticed a lot of nods from other mustached men. They nod and suggest, "hey, I have a mustache and so do you. I hope that my mustache looks half as sharp as yours. Individuals like you remind why I grew a mustache in the first place."

Vince told me that after the third day I would start to love the mustache. His prophecy has been fulfilled. So many men have mustaches. I am proud that to have made the transition. For those of you that have never had a mustache, I would encourage you to grow one. You feel foolish for the first couple of days, and then you realize how sharp it looks.

Take a look around this weekend. You might think it is Magnum P.I. and then realize that it is the muse.

2004-04-01T12:39:00.000-08:00

mediocrity

Oh yes! The battle cry of all educators is the growing belief that mediocrity needs to be encouraged and rewarded. People around here often pose the question: "why didn't you give my kid an A?" Rarely do I hear the question: "Why didn't my child earn an A?"

I have slowly started to accept the fact that people no longer have any desire to excell at anything they do. I have been looking at our yearbook so far, and it sucks. I have way too many kids in this class and have been having a lot of trouble with the publisher. I could be doing more, but I think that I have showed them what they need to create a nice book. I just don't understand why these kids don't use their time and put together a kick ass book. The reason why I am writing this is because one of my seniors is really mad she earned a B for the quarter. I am being nice because the kids should all have Fs. But, they have been conditioned to think that throwing something together at the last minute in a half-assed fashion is A+ material.

I am confident that if I implemented a true grading scale - A=excellent, B=above average, C=average, D=below average, and F=failing, I would lose my job after one quarter. We are now awarding an A for average work. Under a true grading scale about 50 percent would be at a C level, 15-20 percent might earn an A or B, and at least 30 percent would fail.

I just find it odd that the same people that scream for accountability are the ones that wonder why their kids aren't getting the grades they deserve. I am not allowed to teach because I am a babysitter. On a daily basis a number of students want to move and are ready, but we cannot leave the stragglers behind. We have tried to dispute Darwin's theory in the public schools too long. If we want testing and accountablity, then it is time we start tracking. When will special education include all students with special needs?

I just had an interesting conversation with a student. He is doing a civics project for another class and was seeking my input about his proposed changes to our voting system. It is interesting to compare and contrast his work with that of other students. I know his paper will be three or four times better than any other in his class. Why then will a number of students receive the same grade as he? This can lead to the old curve argument, but his paper is excellent. The others will be merely average. Why would he have a desire to excell?

I guess it is time for me to go back to school and be on the other end. It is nice that our education system has declined so much that a moron like the muse not only gets accepted to grad school, but receives a scholarship as well. Back to the grind...out

2004-03-31T17:56:00.000-08:00

2004-03-30T19:06:00.000-08:00

Conferences

I am sitting here at the parent teacher conferences bored off my ass. We will have a number of parents tomorrow night, but it is super slow right now.

I have shaved off the beard. The catch is: I now have a mustache. It is really starting to grow on me. The muse feels twenty years older. A mustache puts me in an elite group of men that are comfortable enough to handle "the style." "The style" is the way that people "in the know" refer to their mustaches. I have noticed that men who keep their relationship with facial hair exclusive to the top lip are generally pretty comfortable in their own skin. I am looking for jeans that are too small and a zany belt buckle. A photo of Magnum Muse will be posted shortly.

I had a wonderful time in the big apple. Photos will be posted later on this week. Anthony was a wonderful host and tour guide. The highlight of the trip was a drunken muse throwing pennies at subway rats. The statue of liberty and ellis island were a treat. Central Park is like the high country with hot dog vendors. A homeless guy was going to throw hot water on us one night. Anthony and I sat club level at a Rangers/Penguins game. Why does beer always taste so good at games? I had a blast with Vince and his brother, Nick. Nick is a scholar and and the man.hanks for the sandwiches!

Upon my return to Colorado, I met a downtroddin Larry at DIA. I whisked him away for a healing session in the high country. Larry was a sniper with the .22. He won the DGS(Deadliest Gopher Sniper) on Friday. We enjoyed a number of gopher pops (Coors Light) and ingested our fair share of meat during the weekend. Larry had some employment oppurtunities, but declined a number of offers to roof and be a ranch hand. Keep on truckin' buddy.

Well, I have another 1/2 hour to go. I hate this sh*t because we have to be here until 9. OUT

2004-03-19T13:14:00.000-08:00

Finally

The grades are in for another quarter; the lesson plans are ready for my return in 9 days. That's right folks - it is spring break in the high country. In one short hour I will be heading down to Boulder for the night. I will be taking off for the Big Apple tomorrow morning. I should be there in time for a late lunch tomorrow. I am excited to meet up with Anthony this weekend.

I am flying back here on Wednesday. LC will be meeting me at the airport and coming to the high country for a visit. I think we will manage to have little fun. I have to get a brick of .22 shells for the slaughter next week. He has some things on his mind. Hopefully, he will forget his woes while he is here.

I am going to run...HOLLA
out

2004-03-17T12:18:00.000-08:00

Thanks Todd

I am trying something new here. Time to mount a photo of the muse hard at work. I have been going for the Nordic look for most of the winter.

2004-03-17T06:43:00.000-08:00

A Great End for One - A Crappy Finale for Another

Last night was one of the most interesting evenings I have had for quite awhile in the high country. I was watching the Avalanche game with a fresh Old Milwaukee when the phone rang. It was Leo's(a good buddy o' mine) wife. She informed me that the ambulance had taken Leo to the hospital in Steamboat. This means the hospital here could not handle it. She picked me up and we made the 50 minute venture.

Anyway, Leo had shoulder surgery last weekend and has been home taking care of himself. He went out to feed his dogs yesterday, fell down, and could not breathe. He went to the ER here, and they told him it might be blood clot and he could die. Jackie, his wife, had her students in Denver for a field trip. She and I drove down there worried sick. All was well when we got there, Leo was ready to go, and we found out that it was just muscle contractions.

We went to a steakhouse to celebrate because Leo is not dead. When we left Steamboat, Leo had to stop at two gas stations and shit. After the second stop, there is nothing for 45 miles(until you get to Kremmling). Leo had to stop at the top of Rabbit Ears Pass to take a poo. Luckily, we had paper in the vehicle. Leo took a huge poo outside of the truck while I sat in the back seat and relaxed. Leo jumped back in the truck.

All of a sudden a fox came out of nowhere and tackled the toliet paper that Leo had just wiped his ass with. The fox turned and gave all in the vehicle a nasty look. The wily fox thought he had cornered a foolish snow hare, and it just turned out to be a shitty piece of toilet paper. We laughed our asses off.

Moral of the Story:
Sometimes, when you think you are getting a free lunch, it just turns out someone else is shitting on you.

2004-03-16T13:35:00.000-08:00

Let Down

What a let down. It is always hard to recover from the Ides of March. I celebrated by having a buffalo chicken sandwich and a couple o' coors lights. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day. I will have a brief celebration after work.

I remember the St. Patty's Day I spent in Ireland. It was right in the middle of the Hoof and Mouth scare so all the festivities were cancelled. I sat in a pub with a crew of friends and ingested numerous cocktails. We had a little parade of our own, but it lacked the luster of a normal parade.

I know that many of you have had the pleasure to view Larry's adventure to the Emerald Isle. I am certain that numerous days can be subtracted off my lifespan because of those days. My two favorite memories from Larry's visit:

1. Shaving our heads together in Galway. On special occasions, lc and I tend to cleave our heads at the same time.

2. Throwing up on the shores of LaHinch. Larry and I were enjoying some off sale Heiniken on the beach when the 20 beers I had already ingested decided to make a seaside appearance. There were about 20 kids watching me hurl on the rocks.

Larry claims that he would have spent about 150 dollars had we not been drinking our faces off. Sometimes I miss the Emerald Isle.

I just got word about my summer plans. I will again be heading to exotic locales to do standing seam medal roofing. Looks like I will either be in Hawaii or Diego Garcia. I am hoping that it will be the Hawaii option. If we do go to Diego, we plan to revisit Kwajalein. I worked in Kwaj two years ago; it is another place I love to miss.

2004-03-15T09:10:00.000-08:00

Beware the Ides of March

Caesar: "The ides of March are come.

Soothsayer: "Ay, Caesar, but not gone."

Today is the ides of March for those of you that do not know. The ides of March simply means the 15th of March. Larry and I have birthdays that fall near the ides of July. When the conspirators slew Caesar, they gave the ides a bad name.

There are a few lessons from this play:

1. When a soothsayer talks, you should listen. Blind freaky guys generally know what they are talking about. The soothsayer was the Steven Hawking of Rome.

2. When your wife has dreams about your slaughter, take a day off work. Pay special attention to this warning if it is expressed around the same time you run into a soothsayer.

I had an awesome weekend. I caught a 7 pound rainbow trout on Saturday. I had a wonderful day on the Colorado river with a couple of buddies. Yesterday, I went to a game farm and shot pheasants. It was a blast to watch the dogs work. We killed birds and then had a few cold ones at the Parshall Inn.

A message to the anti-hunter:
I hunt because it is fun, and I enjoy killing shit.
I hope everyone has a wonderful ides of March.

2004-03-12T09:44:00.000-08:00

The Muse in New Mexico

I received a phone call last night from Jean-Paul at the admissions offices of St. John's College in Santa Fe. I have been accepted to the Great Books Program. I will be working towards an M.A. in Liberal Arts starting next fall.

In other news, John McDermott is here at WGHS today. He is specialist in differentiation. Differentiation is code word for stupid educational bullshit. If you play songs on a guitar and have kids do stupid projects, it will enhance learning and yield better test scores. I looked through the CSAP and was unable to find the section on middle aged men playing shitty folk songs to high school kids. I thought this philosophy was eclipsed after Head of the Class was cancelled. Anyway, this clown will be in my room next hour to tell me how I can harness the attention of 16-18 year-olds. Maybe I will sing a song about pot and X-box. Yeah, I will dress just like Outkast.

I am pumped. I am hunting pheasents tomorrow morning and fishing tomorrow afternoon. It should be a relaxing weekend. I will be in New York next weekend.

Tony, tell the big apple that the muse will be en route Saturday morning.

2004-03-11T09:34:00.000-08:00

Colorado Required Aptitude Procedure

We are smack dab in the middle of the CSAP tests this week. I am having the fortunate experience to proctor twenty eager test takers. Standardized testing is a joke. As far as leave no child behind laws...A number of students should be left behind. If we are ahead, and we bring these people from behind to the lead of said pack, then there will no longer be a behind. Society will be caught in this weird limbo, stuck in mediocrity. It will be like a Yanni concert playing over and over again. We will all be stuck in a TGIFridays Applebees world where we think they are fancy restaurants, but it is just glorified fast food with 22 ounce beers.

Each year when I look at these tests I am reassured that my tax dollar is going to the right place. It is so nice that scholars develop these tests to tell us things we already know. The highest scores are generally in affluent areas. Most schools, like WGHS, are right in the middle - we have good years and bad years. These tests were designed to be DIAGNOSTIC tools, not indication for funding. The data we get is pretty worthless because it does not reach us until late the following fall. Also, we are a small school so one good or bad egg can have a profound effect on the scores. For example, my first year teaching the freshmen I had scored the highest ever on their test(in this district). The reason: the class happens to have a ton of average/above average students as well as three geniuses. There are only 45 kids in that class. My superintendent brought me in his office and told me how great I was...

Bottom line with this stuff: Anyone with basic knowledge of statistics knows the test data is bogus. Also, there is no incentive for the student to take the test. The brilliant folks who develop this test used the European and Asian models. Their tests work a bit different. Why do kids in other countries kill themselves over these tests? Because the outcome determines the rest of their lives. The Irish leaving cert. determines if you go to a univerisity, a college, or a trade school. That is all they have.

We are wasting a ton of money. If I want new books, I fight tooth and nail. If I want anything related to testing, it is given to me. People who have never had the opportunity to stand in front of a classroom should not tell me how to do my job. You want schools run like businesses? Then let me throw out 20 percent of my students, and you will see the best scores ever. God! No child left behind pisses me off.

2004-03-10T07:14:00.000-08:00

A Piece of the High Country

I need to start out with a formal apology to Lars for making fun of NASCAR on Wolf's blog. We have more rednecks in Kremmling per capita than anywhere else in the country, and NASCAR is also well loved here in the high country. I did think that my Dale Earnhardt joke was quite witty. However, I would be killed in many circles for that humorous quip. Lars and Scott, I bet there are more rednecks in my workplace than yours.
How many times have:
1. Students walked in with cow poo on their boots?
2. Placenta somewhere on their clothes (calving starts soon)?
3. I shot a deer before work and I am a teacher!
4. Ty Murray and Steven Seagal were both caught poaching here?
5. My students make fun of my truck because it is too small - it is a full size, but it lacks duallees and a diesel engine. Many times they ask me how I would pull a horse trailor.

If you do not believe me, check out the Kremmling website. I took the mountain biking photos in the gallery.

The CU scandal has suddenly been overshadowed by the Steve Moore injury at the hands of Todd Bertuzzi in Vancouver on Monday night. I was watching the game, and I have to say that it is the second most disturbing thing I have seen on a sheet of ice behind The Lion King and Beauty and the Beast(a disney presentation on ice, held in Cork, Ireland - we took the kids as part of a field trip). A little background on the muse - I did my student teaching in Ireland.

I think that the NHL has themselves backed into a corner here. A lockout is almost a guarentee, and the NHL PA is slowly losing ground to stand on. I think that this incident serves as a setback to acquiring a national tv contract. Gary Bettemen will not throw the book at the all-star Beruzzi who was second in league for goal scoring last year. I am guessing that Bertuzzi will receive a 20 game suspension. Wow! I think that breaking a man's neck on a cheap shot from behind is a big deal. The Canucks have realistic shot at the cup, and Bertuzzi should be back by the second. We will know after the hearing in Toronto today. Why does Larry always call me in the middle of the night? I think that he should move to the east coast, then he would make phone calls at a reasonable time.

Take it to the Streets...the real reason the NHL is going to hell in a handbasket starts with a D and ends with las...the teams logo sounds like...sars.

2004-03-08T13:39:00.000-08:00

Cattle Kings

We had our Rocky Mountain Youth Hockey League Tournament this weekend in Eagle, Colorado. I did not run into Kobe, but my hockey team did quite well. We ended up winning four of five games and taking the consolation title. I will put in the link to the newspaper article tomorrow. We defeated Breckenridge on Friday night, lost a heartbreaker to Gunnison(the #1 team in the state and winner of the tournament) on Saturday morning. We then won three straight on Sunday defeating Steamboat, Glenwood Springs, and finally Telluride for the consolation title.

I really enjoy writing articles for the paper because I always quote myself. I also love yelling at refs. My best line after a bad call this weekend: "what is that, two minutes for being good? It is not John's fault that kid cannot keep his head up. Call it both ways McClean. This is horseshit!" The evil ref responded, "this is your warning coach, one more time and you are out."

It was good fun. I am back at work and not all that happy about it.

2004-03-03T13:47:00.000-08:00

My Favorite Kremmling Story Ever

I ran into our old maintence guy at lunch today. Jay, the maintence guy, and the muse used to drink a few beers and do some fishing together. Anyway, I was walking home from work one Friday last year and I saw this blue van screaming at me. It was Jay; he told me to hop in so he could give me a lift. He was quite intoxicated already, so I cracked the can of Busch he gave me. We then proceeded to scream around the alleys of Kremmling drinking beer. We drank a bunch of beers in his van and then went back to his place. He lives in the basement of this old lady's house. He has a ton of cool stuff down there. We kept on drinking beers and looking at stuff.

I realized that I was super hammered. All of a sudden, he lights the candles on his kitchen table. He hands me a pellet gun, and tells me to shoot out the flame. We were shooting across his living room into his kitchen. Jay then decided that the pellet gun was not powerful enough, so he grabbed a .22 caliber rifle. I ended up shooting the flame out of the candle and doing about 1200 dollars worth of damage to his kitchen. We shot the shit out of his back wall. Who says that alcohol and firearms do not mix? The story does not do this experience justice. It was top five craziest nights of my life. These zany mountain folks crack me up. Anthony, can we shot guns in your apartment? Studio?

2004-03-03T09:51:00.000-08:00

The Reporter

Check out this link and read my article from last weekend's hockey games. The headline was the brainchild of the paper's editor. My pen name is NoDak; notice how I quote myself in the article. Allow myself to introduce myself.

2004-03-03T08:19:00.000-08:00

Gielgud and the Doctor's Wife

Kudos to Todd for getting the comments rolling. I just finished act III of Julius Ceasar with my sophomores. We have been watching the 1953 version with Marlon Brando as Marc Antony and Sir John Gielgud as Cassius. Gielgud would later go on to play Ceasar in the 1970 NRA version with Charleton Heston. Brando is super badass in this version, and I often find myself laughing out loud. When he is talking to the commoners after the murder of Ceasar in scene ii, he makes the comment, "Bear with me;/ My heart is in the coffin there with Ceasar,/And I must pause till it come back to me. He sounds just like the Godfather. He has many other shining moments in the film. If you ever have time to kill, check out some of these old movies.

If Dylan checks out that Gielgud link, I am sure that the Filter will be on ebay looking for one of actor's shirts.

The CU sex scandal is still hot and heavy. The rapist wrote a letter to the female kicker that he raped. What a lovely gestures. I wrote letters to all the out of work strippers in Boulder; I told them they have a place to crash in the high country until this little scuffle blows over. I heard that CU has been planning on replacing coach Barnett with former Gophers head basketball coach Clem Haskins. When asked for comment, Haskins replied,"coach Barnett knows nothing about scandal; they did not even mention strippers during my scandal."

I have to go to Breckenridge tonight. I wish I was going to party with some lonely doctor's wife, but instead I have to coach hockey.

2004-03-02T13:44:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday

Anthony K. is the winner of the t-shirt of his choice for correctly answering yesterday's trivia. He has decided to go for the Kremmling Cattle King shirt opposed to the WGHS fare. Krom is the god of Conan for all you trivia buffs out there. I really hope that Mel Gibson will tackle the difficult subject of Krom and Conan's woman. How did Conan's woman end up on one side of Krom, and Conan on the other? What were the last twelve hours of life of Conan's woman like? What was the language like before the seas sunk Atlantis? I think Mel Gibson is the only one who has enough money, and balls, to pursue this project. I think that the politically savvy Janeane Garafolo should play the part of Conan's woman. The infamous Sho Kasuki as Krom, and Minot's own Josh Duhmal as Conan.

I did buy Conan the Barbarian on DVD. It is an anniversary edition: SWEET!

We are super far behind on snowpack. At this rate we will not be able to flush our toilets this summer. Speaking of this summer, my buddy Lars will be getting married in Michigan. A number of you may remember him. That is all from the high country at this time.

2004-03-01T15:02:00.000-08:00

The Passion of Krom
The first person to correctly identify krom will win a WGHS t-shirt. Oh...what a weekend. The Kremmling Cattle King Midget Hockey Team, under the direction of General Muse, beat the number two team in the state. We are rocking into the state tournament in Vail next weekend with some needed confidence. If anyone is in neighborhood, come by and watch.

In other news...I have finally submitted all my stuff to St. John's College. I will know in three weeks if they accept me. The great books program looks like it would be right up my alley.

I tried to watch the Oscars last night. Waste of time? The only film that I saw this year that was nominated was Lost in Translation. For you loyal readers of this blog, you all already know how I feel about that monkeys**t that sofia c. calls a movie. Where were the nominations for Old School. Maybe that was last year.

2004-02-27T09:33:00.000-08:00

Hot Carl son
I have been a little behind on the blogging lately. Vinny and I were just talking about why people hate teachers. Vinny does the Vo-Ag program here at WGHS. We have a workday today. This is basically a day where we catch up. We have no kids here, but our contract tells us we need to show. I have a lot of work to do, but the muse is yet to get after it. We always get super drunk the night before the "work" day. Last night was no exception.

This day itself, as well as a fair bit of time off, provides ammunition for people to hate us. So far I have: stopped at the coffee shop(I was 15 minutes late for work), Vince and I washed our vehicles, washed the floor in Vinny's shop, and then I had coffee with our maintence guy. Now I am working on my blog. We will do a staff lunch at the Moose Cafe at 11:30, and then I will attempt to sneak out of here around 2:30.

I love my job today. Hope all of you in coyote land have a lovely day...

2004-02-24T12:58:00.000-08:00

PooP
Busy Day...Busy Day
I have realized that the auto industry is chock full o' thieves. I would rid myself of automotive dependence, but I have one hinderance...I live in the middle of nowhere. For those of you that do not know, I have to drive 40 miles to buy a pair of underwear. My truck is all screwed up and it is going to cost me a goddamn month's pay to get it back.

The good news...we have our annual petting zoo at WGHS today. I will try to post a photo of the Muse and Buddy the Goat. I was so pissed off earlier, I went and spent a few minutes with Buddy, and all was well in the high country. We are listening to Act II of Julius Caesar as I write. It is a great play, but it gets a bit old the third time.

2004-02-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

WEAK AnD
Lordy...what a weekend. I went snowmobiling on Saturday at Reeder Creek Ranch. We saw about 900 elk, a number of big bulls. I then helped my buddies doctor their calves. It was pretty fun. We had to rope the calf, then somehow tackle the calf, give it an injection, and then mark the tail. I was pushed into a fence by a little rascal. I am happy that I avoided a kick in the junk. It is weird to see sick cows - they all have colds.

The CU scandal is officially global. My mother asked me what was happening. I told her that I will call coach Barnett and personally take care of the problem. It's not like people are raping female kickers or anything.

I have to miss my parent accountability committee meeting tonight; my truck is all messed up. I will be embarking on the journey to Silverthorne after school today. I hope the parents will realize that I am unaccountable.

2004-02-20T08:37:00.000-08:00

Did You See How Peacefully That Majestic Beast Expired

The fair state of Colorado is still getting a ton of ink. Between the X Games and the CU scandal, we are the focus of nightly news everywhere. I tried to watch some programs on Fox News and CNBC, but I failed to make it very long. Again, who is surprised that this stuff goes on in college athletics? They had the guy that has been supplying strippers for the recruiters for 20 years. Note to the people that need teachers: I will sign a contract to teach anywhere in the lower 48 as long as there are strippers involved. I have been eating buffalo instead of beef as of late. I have converted for a number of reasons: a tribute to Coach Barnett and the credible football program at CU (Buffalos), a tribute to my home state and her two main universities: NDSU (Bison) and UND (tamed savages who lost their land and their bison), and...drum roll...I have been getting the buffalo for free from one of my students.

I have to throw in my two cents about all this Morrisey talk. The Muse is not immune from the draw of the Smiths and Morrisey's solo albums. Why has the punk rock movement willingly included The Smiths? This paradox piques my curiousity. Correct me if I am wrong, The Smiths were a British pop band. So, that means bands that are mainstream over the pond are accepted with open arms by those that establish the "punk rock canon"?

This leads to one disturbing question:
Will the punk rockers ten years from now suddenly listen to the music of David Hasselhoff? The former Baywatch star has experienced much fanfare in Europe and was celebrated as a top act in the mid-ninties.

A message to all you with fingers on the pulse of the punk rock movement:
I had DH's first album in the mid-ninties. I will emerge from nowhere with the vintage classic in 8 years and be awarded the punk as f**k award by the chubby guy on 120 minutes. I will crush you all like texas.
The muse is OUT!

2004-02-19T08:23:00.000-08:00

Learning Every Day
Wow! I just realized that the term, "God Speed" comes from Act I scene ii of Shakespeare's Julius Caesar. The term surfaces in a conversation between Brutus and Cassius. I love the way Cassius convinces Brutus to hate Caesar. Maybe Howard Dean was our Caesar, and the senate represents all the dirty republicans. Perhaps Bush and Kerry are Brutus and Cassius, and Cheney will make a cameo as Casca.
I am really excited because I just received some Shakespeare plays on DVDs. I really enjoy reading and teaching this play each year. I usually watch all three versions that I have during the process. My favorite is the 1953 version; Marlon Brando does a wonderful job playing Mark Antony. I wish that this version, and the one with Charleton Heston, were available on DVD. The DVD I have is a bunch of stinking Brits.

The CU sex scandal keeps on getting better and better. Coach Gary Barnett has officially earned the title of Captain Politically Correct. Anyway, the Buffs had a female place kicker, and she has made allegations that she was raped while a student and player at CU. Captain PC is now suspended with pay because of his brilliant comments regarding the issue yesterday.

Coach PC told the media that she was "terrible," and she could not play. The guys on the team only respect people that can play. In short, coach feels that the rape is justifyed because she was not a very good football player. The dumbass should have resigned when this whole scandal thing started. When I saw his statements on the tv last night, I could not believe what I heard. Even more amazing was his press conference later last night regarding his suspension. This seemed even more amazing because I had a few cocktails in me. Coach feels that he said nothing wrong.

Message to coach: the NCAA is crooked, and bad things have been allowed to happen for many years. Bad things will continue to happen as long as college athletics are big business. Unfortunately for CU and Coach PC, this particular program was caught. Take it in the chin buffs. Regardless of what happens with CU football, the buffs will always have the best damn ultimate frisbee players in the nation. These players don't come for the money or the chicks. It's all about the Big Head Todd and the sick buds.

2004-02-18T09:00:00.000-08:00

Wide Open Spaces
I read the article about triumph the insult dog. I am surprised the french canadiens take so much offense to his remarks. Isn't that one group of people that is convinced they are better than the rest of us? Scott, I think the term you are looking for is stereotyping, not racism. I have to say that Conan provided me with a great laugh. I prefer the old Canadien stereotype myself. I just picked up Strange Brew on DVD. The cartoon is hilarious. I would suggest taking time out of your busy schedule to enjoy this one.

I had the pleasure of watching Lost in Translation. I thought the movie itself sucked. Is it not time for people to reflect on themselves and society the old fashioned way - with books? Cinema intellectuals are people that are too lazy to read. Remember the social statement in Cast Away? I find it ironic that Tommy Hanks was trying to tell us to take time and focus on the things that are meaningful away from work. He accomplished this in a film; people have just over two hours to figure this out because they have to get back to work. I guess I watch movies to relax. All I want to see is some slapdick humor.

I went to college at Montana State; a number of my buddies were enrolled in the film school there. It was funny because not only did they watch terrible movies that only film students would watch, they made movies that were equally as bad. Those guys are all doing well as web designers.
The Muse is out!

2004-02-17T12:23:00.000-08:00

Utah Adventure
What an interesting long weekend. We started out with games in Steamboat . We sadly lost those games. I was without my ringer all weekend. I have to somehow get into the grade book for the whole school.

I spent Saturday at Colorado's playground. We usually get half off lift tickets, but sat. was one of the numerous free days for Grand County employees. It was tons of fun. I left a bit of my face on one of the runs. Most of the mountain is named after characters created by Lewis Carroll. I ended up getting lost in the trees on a run called Tweedle Dum.

I had to go to Vernal, Utah on Sunday for games early Monday morning. Utah is a weird place. I have spent a fair amount of time in Salt Lake with Lars, but this place was completely looney toons. WE rolled into town around 8 on Sunday night. We could not find any place to eat. I could handle the 3.2 beer, but not being able to get chow at 8 is crazy. I have always felt that small towns in Utah and Idaho are really weird. Numerous folks don't realize that Idaho is chock full o' Mormons as well. Utah just has messed up laws. The guy I was with figured that "only some dumb somabitch that doesn't get drunk on Sunday and watch football could think up these rules."

I am adding Utah, with the exception of national parks and ski resorts, to my list of states that need to be annexed by Mexico. the lone star state is still in my cross hairs.

2004-02-13T13:56:00.000-08:00

SAVE KOBE
Colorado has been in the news quite a bit as of late. I really wish that I would have pursued a football career. Luck could have put on a recruiting trip toCU Boulder This whole deal is getting out of hand. The coach has been put on the block. I am not trying to justify the actions of college programs; I am just admitting reality. Do people not know this stuff happens? The coach is not the one who sets this stuff up. I have known a few people that played division 1 sports and the stories they tell are amazing. I work with a guy that played college hoops. His team had their own dorm and ran the school. He told me they never worried about food, clothes, gas, etc... It was agreed that all the players kept their mouths shut.

Maybe the Boulder scam as well as the nightmare created by Kobe's cheatin' heart are a wake up call to our society. People put more emphasis on sports than anything else. I am willing to bet that the CU football program generates more money than the literature department.

I am so amped for the weekend. I might skip the hockey games and head to Boulder. I look like a football player.

2004-02-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

Holla Day
I really hate Valentine's Day. It is not so much the holiday, it is everything that goes with it. I think that Halloween and Valentine's Day are the two worst holidays for teachers. I have been watching kids ingest crack cocaine in the form of candy hearts since 8 this morning. This place will be a looney bin by lunch time.

The Cattle Kings(my hockey team) will be traveling to Steamboat this evening to play the Braves in a huge Rocky Mtn. Youth Hockey League match-up. We are off to Vernal, Utah on Sunday for two more games early Monday morning. Vernal is in the middle of nowhere - almost five hours from here. It will be fun to guzzle bootlegged beverages with all the parents on Sunday night.

I have not forget my vendetta against the Lone Star State. I am a viper waiting in the weeds for the right time to strike. House of Pain did not change the Hip-Hop scene by jumping down throats. They waited in the bog for just the right time. It is time for a revolution. Here is my plan:
I am going to run for president. All past and present residents of North Dakota will immediately receive a huge tax break. The US will then annex Canada. The people of Quebec will all be sent to Texas. Texas will be given to Mexico. We will start extracting natural resources from the Great White North.

New Capital: Rugby, North Dakota (if you don't know why, you betta asted somebody)
Air Force One: Renamed JR's Country Coach- Hjalmer will drive, Karen is Secretary
Minister of Defense: Dr. Dave K.
Drug Czar: Ross T.
Camp Steven: Douglas Bay and a cabin on DeNare Beach in Northern Saskatchewan
I am going to ask Micheal McDonald, formerly of the Doobie Brothers, to sing at my fundraiser. If Mike McDonald can resurrect his career by recording Motown songs and doing MCI commericials, then I should be able to make a run at the White House.
TAKE IT TO THE STREETS

2004-02-12T08:15:00.000-08:00

BUMMER
Our maintance guy here at WGHS decided that he was going to quit today. I am super bummed because Roger and I have become super good buddies. We usually have coffee twice a week and bitch about all things that should be settled our way. He almost died last week of pneumonia and decided that a less stressful approach will be his pursuit. I hope the best for him.

My sophomores are taking a test on short stories at this very moment. As I gaze out among them, all I can see is halos and cheat sheets...wait. My novel class is reading Sherman Alexie's Reservation Blues this guy is a stellar author; I never get bored rereading his books. For those of you that have a little time, I would suggest picking up one of his books. The movie Smoke Signals was based on his book, The Lone Ranger and Tonto FistFight in Heaven.
It is below zero here, and I, for one, am sick of it. I need to move to somewhere warm. I just finished my application to Saint John's College. I really like their reading lists. I think that Santa Fe is right up my alley. I am going to correct tests for the next three days.

2004-02-11T10:35:00.001-08:00

Oh Rielly
OK...I am starting to mess with this thing a little bit. I need to have Larry help me with a few things. I still do not have the comments thing up yet. This is very important to me so I can see if there are actually individuals in cyberspace reading this babble.

I really enjoyed Scott's poetry slam today. I did, many moons ago, publish one poem during my creative college days. It went into an unknown publication that circulated through the west. I never really told anyone outside of my literary circle about said publication because of the real poetry slams. People need only to impress themselves with poetry. Once you put it out there for people to read, prepare to be torn apart. Coffee shops are safe havens for hacks that do not necessarily understand poetry. There is a fundamental difference between literature and books. This extends to poetry as well. There is poetry, and then there is babble. I am not saying that this pop poetry is bad, but there is a reason that book agents do not hang out in coffee shops looking for the next best thing. It just annoys me whenever people think they have suddenly discovered the wheel. Poetry does not sell, and sadly book sales are driven by marketing.

One curse of being an English teacher is constant requests to read other peoples' stuff. I always preface a reading by asking the question, "do you really want to know how to improve this?" Most people just want me to read it and say it is great. Again, if you do not want to be torn apart, then don't ask. I am by no means the great American author. If I had said title, my wheels would not be spinning in the high country.

I guess that I have been spinning my wheels since I embarked on a reading of the now infamous DaVici Code. People think that Dan Brown is the master theologist/sociologist that suddenly figured out that religion was justification to persecute groups of people and to hold down women. It is really unfortunate that a number of "enlightened" womyn in this country that attended the Lilith Fair failed to find out who Lilith really was. I guess it is reassuring that people are rediscovering literature and realizing things certain things about the world, but if it took a reading of Under the Banner of Heaven to realize that there are a few gliches in the Mormon religion, I apologize.
email me some comments, and tell me how to get a comments thing on this blog. I have wasted my whole lunch break on this thing; i hope somebody reads it.
carlsons@westgrand.k12.co.us

2004-02-11T10:35:00.000-08:00

2004-02-10T08:23:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday! We are handing out midterm grades today...this is one of the days the kids really seem to care about their education. I am still trying to recoup from the long weekend. I have to go to Steamboat on Friday night for hockey games, and then off to Vernal, Utah for a pair of games on Monday. Going to small towns in Utah carries the same luster as going church, Sunday school, and then to breakfast.
We will stay over night there on Sunday. I will pack my own booze and hope that I do not get caught for bootlegging. One also must eat before seven because all the weird LDS restaurants close early. I read Under the Banner of Heaven so I will keep my eyes out for any weird happenings. I did finally get into the DaVinici Code. I am proud that Dan Brown has blown the whistle on religion - real original, never been done before. Uh, yeah...maybe just a couple of times. As long as Oprah is determining the future canon, these things will keep on coming. Maybe I will read another Tony Morrison novel next.
Speaking of that, my novel class will start Reservation Blues today. It is a fantastic read by Sherman Alexie. I am a bit more hip than you all think. This is my tribute to the good people at the University of North Dakota who have been putting the red man down, with the help of the feds, since day one.

2004-02-09T14:04:00.000-08:00

Well, I am back at work after a long and exciting adventure filled weekend in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul. Todd Holdman hosted the party Friday night and Todd, Nicole, Ann, Casey j., and myself were all invited. We checked out a couple of Irish pubs and Hank the 3rd at First Avenue. Todd and I were the funniest guys at the last bar we went. I am still in disbelief that the bartender accused us of being intoxicated.

Saturday we started our all-star activities. Casey, Chris, and I saw the skills competition. I will not bore you all with the highlights of the game...blah...blah.

The NHL exists so the ugliest men in the world can have sex with beautiful women.

2004-02-06T11:32:00.000-08:00

This will be the last installment of the muse before I embark on my journey to the Twin Cities. I finally figured out why all you guys are vegetarians. It is because all the Rax restaraunts closed down. If I put a BBC in yo' face, how could you resist?

I had some vegetables in my fridge that I was munching on during lunch. They were a little furry so I decided to stop eating them. One downfall of the high country is the lack of produce. I did, however, watch a little Cosby over lunch. I almost laughed my head off.

That just reminded me of my Wednesday night. I had a well deserved night off from hockey practice. I realized there is a reason that I stay busy during the evening. There was a Donald Trump reality show, American Idol, and Full House was on two different channels. How the hell did Full House plunge itself into syndication? I hope this sick twisted society does not decided to suddenly canonize The Da Vinci Code. How I am supposed to educate these people when they are drunk on the comedy of Bob Saget?

2004-02-06T10:46:00.000-08:00

I am trying to employ mi hermano in hippy land to help me with this thing. He is the computer guru in the Carlson clan. I figure if he has time to write about defecation, then he can help a brother out. Hopefully, I will have links and all that good stuff up next Monday. I think my computer is going to be a bit of a hinderance through this whole process. One downfall of being an employee of the public school system is the fire wall.

I guess I understand the concept of protecting our youth from an overload of Janet Jackson photos, but I find nothing wrong with NHL.com. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I will be whining about everything from ski traffic to Alan Keyes.

For those of you that do not know, I have a personal vendetta against the state of Texas. The super bowl served as a catalyst to get me going. I am fighting to make texas a common noun. I have changed political alliances because of this vendatta, and have burned all of my Jeff Foxworthy albums and books as well. I guess I can start listening to the Dixie Chicks again.

2004-02-06T08:58:00.000-08:00

Greetings lads and lasses. This is my attempt at a blog. I have to thank the House of Pain and Alan Thicke for providing inspiration. I am on my way to the Twin Cities this evening. I just need to see if this works.